Good Enough
by littlee0618
Summary: Finchel and their first Valentine's Day back together/as new parents.


Well hello! I know this isn't a Waiting For Superman update, but I do have an explanation. I've been so sick for about a week. And well, inspiration for this one shot came up an hour before I went back to work on Valentine's Day. Consider this my peace offering? It's nothing more than a drabble, doesn't belong to any universe and hopefully has sparked and broken my writers block.

To Lauren, who checked over the first part - thanks love!

As always, I don't own Finn and Rachel. Just Zinnia and the plot that is original. Any Glee coincides belong to RIB, of course. 

* * *

**Good Enough**

He knows she's stressed out. He can see it in her eyes when she walks through the door, can feel it in the way she brushes past him to make Zinnia's baby food for the next day. She's tense and quiet and it kind of makes him want to crawl under the couch and hide. She's not speaking to him, and for a brief moment he thinks her mood is because of him. He runs through the things he said to her before she left for school this morning, remembers the text messages he sent her throughout the day (many of which were pictures of Zinnia doing funny things and making funny faces), and he can't recall one single thing that would set her off.

So he gives her space. He walks out of the kitchen and finds solace in tidying up the living room, where all of Zinnia's toys are still spread out around the small space. It had been his day home with her, and instead of venturing out to the library for story time they had had their own at home - the snow had deterred him if he is being honest. It's February and it's cold and yeah she's 4 months old but still. She's had one cold and it gave him nightmares so he'd rather avoid that at all costs if he can.

But the living room is only so messy. He notices cat hair on the carpet and he wants to get the vacuum out but the vacuum terrifies the little ball of fluff and causes Zinnia to wake up. And Rachel's already stressed. He doesn't want to add to that.

He feels her staring at him from the doorway and he slowly looks up to face her. Her arms are crossed and her stance is defensive but it's the tremble that her bottom lip has on the pout she's facing him with that tells him there is no ice there. He stands slowly and crosses the two or three steps to be in front of her.

"What's the matter?"he asks quietly as he gently reaches out to touch her. He feels the material of her sweater under his fingers and he softly runs his hands up and down because the knitting is soft. He gives her several beats because she needs it. They've been together long enough for him to know that she needs several beats to collect her thoughts.

"I failed my test," she murmurs as she pushes her arms around his torso.

"What?" he asks quietly. He moves his hands to her hair that's tied up in a loose bun on the crown of her head. He gently tugs until the elastic holding it up gives and her long brown hair tumbles down her back. "You had it down...we..."

"I failed, okay?" Her voice is thick and he kind of wants to cry too. She works so hard, she's taken a full semester even though everyone around them (her professors and him too) told her it was okay to cut down her load. But she insisted that she could do it and raise Zinnia and be there and...as she starts to tremble in his arms he thinks that maybe, she's realizing how much wiser it would be to have a reduced course load, just for this term. But Rachel's Rachel, and he'll never tell her what to do.

"How..." his voice trails off as she cuddles impossibly closer to his chest and he just holds her to him. He know she'll come forward with the story or facts when she's ready.

"I just blanked. I forgot everything that was on the cue cards and I just... I'm so tired," she whines in his arms as tears start to soak his old McKinley High long sleeve. "I don't know what I'm going to do Finn," she whispers into the cotton of his shirt. She has the extra material that hangs at the hem in her hands and it's twisted in her fingers and he knows in moments her cold hands are going to be on his skin. It's her comfort move, and he can always anticipate it but he still winces at how cold her tiny fingers really are.

"It's okay to fail once and awhile," he tries to comfort. He knows his words aren't acceptable when she looks up at him and her eyes are narrowed despite the tear tracks and redness to her nose. "I just mean that not every human can be one hundred percent perfect every single day of their lives...even you Miss Berry. Though you are pretty perfect to me, if I do say so myself," he whispers and presses a kiss to her forehead.

She doesn't say anything else, instead she just cuddles into his chest more and holds on.

"You'll get it next time. That was just a test, right?" he whispers against her hair. "Not like, a final or anything?" When she nods her head, he knows at least then that he said the right thing if only for this moment.

* * *

When they had Zinnia, they tried really hard to work out a schedule that allowed them to work on their dreams. They had just gotten somewhat back together when they had learned she was on the way and things at best were tentative and rocky. But they'd had nine months to get their shit together as Santana had eloquently put it and he thinks now that maybe Rachel's obsessive type A ways have benefited all of them.

He stays home with her Mondays and Thursdays, when Rachel has classes literally all day. When he moved out to New York he found work at a mechanics shop a few streets over from their Bushwick loft (they've since upgraded to an apartment with walls), that allows him to work Tuesday, Wednesdays , Fridays and sometimes Saturdays at varied start times depending on the load and schedule. When shifts conflict with Rachel's school schedule, Santana or Kurt are usually able to pop in and sit with Zinnia until Rachel gets home. In the off hours, and when Zinnia is napping or generally being her awesome self, he works away at his education degree through online distance education. Sundays are their family days. And usually consist of groceries, laundry or studying for Rachel. It works for them but as he walks into the shop the next morning he can see that maybe the strategic planning is starting to wear on Rachel, who he had left awake - furiously typing on her computer with Zinnia in her lap chewing on her bib (she's now a complete drool monster and Kurt will have all of their heads if any of her designer clothing is ruined by drool).

"Rough night?" one of the older men he works with, Dan, chuckles as he walks into the shop.

"What?" he asks. Is it that obvious he's that deep in thought

"You've got a constipated look on your face, like you get when you're thinking too hard..." he laughs. "Also your shirt's on backwards..."

He looks down quickly to see that his long sleeve, which should have buttons at the neck is on backwards. He groans. It just confirms his earlier thoughts, that Rachel is cracking at the seams. She never would have let him out of the house like this. If she had noticed.

"Crap,"

"Go fix yourself up, Romeo," Dan laughs. "We've got a shit load of work to do..."

Finn can't help but let himself groan as he makes his way towards the back room to fix his shirt and put on his overalls.

* * *

He's no further ahead on his plan to make Rachel feel better when he gets home from work that night. He can tell it's been another bad day when he walks in and the apartment is seemingly in shambles and Zinnia is pretty much screaming bloody murder. She doesn't like baths and doesn't like her face touched and he can only assume from the way she's alerting the neighbourhood that Rachel is desperately trying to do one of those. He tosses his keys on the counter as he passes the kitchen and he starts to follow the sound of his daughters desperate cries. 4 months in and he still can't handle listening to her.

He peaks in her bedroom just to confirm that she's not there and Rachel hasn't been abducted by aliens (he's had that nightmare a few times, alright?). He follows the sound of her protest cries and finds her and Rachel in the bathroom. Zinnia is in her baby tub and just looks so angry. She whips her head to the side when the floor creaks under his feet and he just looks at her with a look so desperate that it almost brings him to his knees.

"Oh Zinn," he sighs as he crosses the tiny bathroom and tries to get close to her.

"Don't touch her," Rachel growls. He notes the tone of her voice and it almost makes his knees shake. "She needs to get used to at least having a bath. She should love this! The books say babies love baths that it reminds them of being in utero and why doesn't our daughter like to have baths?" He can hear the absolute desperation in her voice that is mimicked in the look Zinnia is giving him from her baby bathtub. He can tell that Rachel is losing grip, it's taken longer than he could have ever imagined but he knows it's happening. Her dads had warned him. His mother had warned him. He had been stupid enough to ignore them.

"Rachel, she's a baby. Can I get you a towel?" he whispers quietly, almost as a peace offering. She has a wild look in her eyes and he felt his stomach clench. Zinnia's cries have dulled to a whimper and he hands Rachel a towel first before he gets out Zinnias fluffy bunny towel that had been a baby shower gift from Britney. She coos when he wraps her in it and sighs when he cradles her against his chest.

He doesn't get a chance to say anything else because Rachel stands up, throws her towel to the ground and stomps out of the small bathroom. Finn can only sigh before they both hear the bedroom door slam closed. Zinnia jumps in his arms from the force and he feel s like he wants to throw in the towel too.

* * *

He doesn't have to work this Wednesday. There's not a lot of work and part of him is thankful for the break. Zinnia had been up and down the night before and he's convinced that she was starting to get teeth. Rachel had locked herself in their room for most of the evening, until just before bed time when she had come out to say good night to Zin and make a tea. He has no idea what he did to deserve the silent treatment but he learned long ago to just let her be.

Rachel has a late class on Wednesday. He know her schedule just as well as he knows his own. So when he hears Zinnia start to cry from across the hall he dashes out of bed before she can even move an inch.

"Hey pretty princess," he smiles as he walks into her tiny (almost closet sized) bedroom. "What's the big idea hmm?" he whispers. He scoops her up and it takes him a minute, as it does sometimes, to realize that she's his. She has his nose and flyaway hair and Rachel even swears she has his dimples. But she has her mothers pretty complexion and dark chocolate hair and her eyes. Her eyes that are dark chocolate and he would do anything for.

"What do you say we do something nice for mama?" he whispers as he brings her over to the change table and quickly changed her oddly full diaper. "It's Valentine's Day, did you know that?" he smiles softly. "When you're old enough...me and Mama will tell you all about how Valentine's Day is the holiday that brought us back together. And brought us you," he smiles a little bit. He stops after a second. That's it, he thinks. Valentine's Day. He would make today really special for her to help her feel better. "Come on Zin, we've got a lot to do today..." he whispers as he slips his hands under her body.

* * *

He wears her in the carrier, because it's easiest. He loves feeling her little feet dangling down and she's got long dancer legs like her Mama and he just loves it. Loves being close to her, loves feeling her warm breath on his neck and smelling her baby lotion and shampoo. He pulls her little pink hat with white cat ears a little lower on her head as she buries her small forehead into the small bit of skin that is showing at the top of his parka. She coos against his chest and he brings his hands around his chest and just holds her. It's been four months and he loves this little bit of quiet time he gets with her. He's managed to hit the jewelry store and find something small within his budget. Which is nonexistent but he figures moments and holidays like this where he feels like the woman of his dreams is on the precipice of losing her mind is as good as any. They just have to hit the grocery store so he can grab a few ingredients and maybe the candle store he knows she likes that sells soy candles for a few of her favourite vanilla tumblers (he doesn't readily admit that he knows the proper name of the candle, but when his pregnant girlfriend throws epic fits because he bought the wrong ones, he's got to use the knowledge somewhere).

"What do you think Zin?" he asks quietly as he presses a kiss to her rosy cheek. "Think we made a good choice baby girl?" she coos against him and smiles gently. "I think Mama is really going to like what we got her..."

His cell phone vibrates from his pocket and he has to shove his ungloved fingers into his jeans to grab it. When he pulls it out, he sees a picture from the day Zinnia was born flashing on the screen, a tired Rachel holding the tiny infant close and pressing her lips to her forehead. It's Rachel calling and he smiles a bit because it's well after ten so he knows he at least got the first part of his plan right.

"Hey sleepy head," he laughs into the phone.

"Where are you?" she calls into the phone. "Tell me you have Zinnia with you..."

"She's here. She's hanging out, enjoying the scenery from her carrier," he chuckles softly. "You just getting up?"

"Why didn't you wake me up?" she asks softly. He hears the water running and he knows she's going to make a coffee.

"The maker is already set up," he interrupts. "And I didn't wake you because you needed the sleep. We'll be home soon, okay?"

"Finn," she whines.

"Rachel," he smiled. "We'll see you soon. Take a bath. I hear there's fresh towels and some bubble bath waiting for you in the bathroom," he chuckles. "And babe?"

"What?" she asks softly.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he smiles into the phone even though he knows she can't see him.

"Happy Valentine's Day Finn," she whispers before the conversation ends.

* * *

He arrives home to find the apartment empty. Rachel has an afternoon class, that he usually comes home part of the way through. It's the one day that they have a standing sitter for - Santana usually covers the hour or two that they need. But he figures Rachel texted her or something because she's not there. Zinnia is asleep in the carrier and he moves quickly through the small apartment so he could put her down for her much needed nap. Her crib would be more comfortable for her, even though he had to admit that she looks pretty cute and comfy right now. He moves quickly because the class Rachel has isn't too long and he knows even with the commute she'll be back soon. He has to cook dinner, a vegan stir fry that she knows she loves and get the table set and he's kind of glad in that moment that Zinnia passed out.

* * *

He's just putting the finishing touches on the table when he hears the distinct rattle of the lock in the door. She's home a little earlier than he had expected but he's ready nonetheless. He just hopes Zinnia will sleep through the early dinner he's made, giving him and Rachel both a few moments of much needed alone time. But he's prepared either way. A stop at the small baby boutique by the candle store has him armed well.

"Hey," he hears softly. He puts down the fork he has been holding and straightened his back so he could take her in. Her hair is tied back in a loose bun much like it always is on school days, and worn out black tights line her long legs. Her cheeks are rosy from the wind. But the look that covers her features, soft and surprised all at once is what catches his eye the most.

"Hey there pretty girl," he whispers as a blush lines her cheeks, making them rosier than ever before.

"What's this?" she whispers carefully. He watches as she pulls off the black mittens that cover her small hands, before she goes for the buttons on her red pea coat and takes a few steps back to hang it all up. She toes off her boots which were a birthday gift from her fathers before she faces him again.

"It's Valentine's Day," he whispers quietly. He watches her eyes flutter around. In the short time him and Zinnia have been home he's managed to set the table, light the few candles that are her favourite on the small counter between the kitchen and tiny dining room and cook the meal. It's not much but the touched look in her eyes is enough for him. Except when they water. Because he can't handle when she cries, even though he knows at the moment it's not from sadness (he hopes).

"It's Valentine's Day," she whispers and the words fall from her lips like they're riding a water slide.

He turns briefly, to make sure everything is still okay on the stove and when he turns back to face her there are a handful of tears running down her cheeks.

"Rach," he whispers. He crosses the very small area to get to her and instantly wraps his arms around her.

"It's Valentine's Day," she repeats into his chest as she brings her hands around to his back and he can feel her clutching at his shirt. He chuckles just a tad and drops a kiss to her head as she takes a shaky breath. "It's Valentine's Day," she says once more.

"I know it is. You just told me," he jokes in hopes that he's going to break the sadness and little bit of tension that is quickly invading the air.

"It's Valentine's Day and I was so mean to you last night and..." the tears start to fall faster as realization seems to dawn on her features and he can't help but feel a little bad. "And I was a bit testy this morning when I called and you were so nice to let me sleep in and now this and I have NOTHING for you..." she whimpers as her voice thickens and she wraps her arms impossibly tighter around him. He doesn't need anything. He doesn't want anything material. Everything he's ever wanted is in this apartment right now, and sure things are hard but it's still life and it's still a life they're building together.

"Hey hey," he tries to catch her before she goes on rambling about fairness and gestures and he touches her chin to get her to look at him. "Take a breath, okay?" he whispers as he used his thumb to graze her trembling lip. When she does, she looks up at him with large, watery brown eyes and he's just sunk. He smiles slowly and gently moves his head enough so he can touch her forehead with his lips. It's a quick graze, but he feels her relax in his arms.

"I have everything I could ever need, right here," he whispers softly as she continues to stare up at him. He offers her another smile and touches her cheek this time with the pad of his thumb, catching remaining tears that are dripping down her cheek.

"Finn," she whispers. Her voice is thick, but with something different this time.

He chuckles only in response before he pulls away from her slowly. He kisses her cheek before he rewinds his arm around her waist so she's beside him. He gently leads her towards the table and pulls out her chair so she can sit.

"I feel like I should go change my clothes," she laughs slowly. It feels good to hear her laugh.

"Why?" he smiles as he moves to the small kitchen to get the stir fry.

"Because I probably look a mess," she whispers as she reaches up to pull her hair tie tighter so it's not so floppy.

"You don't look messy," he smiles as he brings the pan towards the table. "You look perfect." He dips to kiss her head once he's put the pan in front of them.

"You made stir fry?" she whispers. He smiles back at her with a nod as she stares at him.

"Is it okay?" he whispers as he reaches for the ladle and starts to dish some out, first to her plate and then to his.

"It's more than okay," she praises.

"And there's some vegan cheesecake for dessert, too..." he whispers. "Oh, I have apple cider. Hold on," he jumps up and starts to move towards the kitchen but he feels her grab his hand to stop him.

"Stop," she whispers. "I don't need apple cider. I just need you..." she whispers with a pretty smile on her features.

"But what about a drink..." he whispers. He had thought of giving her a speech, but the look in her eyes just then tells him she doesn't need anything more. The gesture of the dinner and everything involved with it is enough, he thinks.

"Water is enough," she confirms, nodding to where he had placed the pitcher of water on the table already. "Come sit," her voice is almost pleading and his feet and heart comply before his head can decide to do the same.

* * *

He watches her as she eats. The room is quiet and they can both hear Zinnia's breathing coming through the monitor. The moment is perfect as he hears her rustle on the monitor but she doesn't make any other noise.

"Did I cook it okay?" he whispers. He should be used to making dishes with tofu but for some reason whenever he makes this dish, he worries.

"It's perfect. Really," she smiles and daintily takes a sip of her water. He goes back to his own plate when he feels her reach for his hand from where she is sitting. Her fingers are cold from the water but her skin is still soft. "Thank you," she whispers.

He just carefully shrugs his shoulders when she praises him, looks down at his own plate and takes a scoop of the rice and vegetables. "It's nothing..."

"It's not nothing," she kindly chastises "It's...it's everything to me..." her head drops and for a second he worries that she's going to start to cry again. The books said her hormones would even out once the baby was born but it's been four months and she still cries at the drop of a hat. Not that she wasn't emotional before he knocked her up - it just all exploded three fold.

He feels her squeeze her fingers around his more intently and the pads of her fingers wrap around his palm.

"I just..." he can see the way she's contemplating her next words. "I feel like I don't deserve you some days..." her voice drips a little and he feels his heart squeeze in the only way she can make it. "And just when I'm at my lowest...you remind me that..."

"...that I love you?" he whispers as he squeezes her fingers. "That you're the love of my life? That there is no one else I would rather be doing this with than you?" he laughs as she blushes. "That I've seen you at your worst," he raises an eyebrow because he's sure she knows he's referring to the day Zinnia was born. "...and your absolute best?" he smiles because he remembers her performing in the winter showcase, just weeks after delivering Zinnia and while she cried, it was the best performance of her life.

She nods slowly and her eyes look away from him for a moment before they find their way back.

"Well, newsflash," he grins as he looks at her. "You do. So we've had a difficult few days," her eyes drop down again. "But baby, I need you to talk to me," he whispers as he rubs her palm. "About what's going on in your pretty little mind."

"See, I don't deserve you," she chuckles as she shakes her head. He stands up and kneels beside her. He notices the panicked look in her eyes and it's his turn to chuckle.

She doesn't want to get married. They'd discussed that at length during her pregnancy. Well it's not that she doesn't want to get married, because she told him as much that she does. She just doesn't want to get married now. She doesn't want people to think they did it for Zinnia. And if yesterday was any indication he knows that the topic isn't something to broach.

"Stop it," he laughs. He wraps his fingers around hers and places his free hand on her knee. "Just listen to me, okay?" he whispers. He squeezes her hand and her knee. She nods her consent.

"I love you," he starts. "I thought, back in high school that I loved you the most then. But these past few months have proven to me that I love you so much more then high school Finn could have ever thought possible," he whispers. "And because I love you that much...it hurts when I see you struggling," he whispers. "So you failed a test? You know how many tests I failed in high school? Have failed in that online course?" he laughed. "It just a test. But what matters more is us...is Zinnia..." he whispers as he pulls out a box from his pocket.

"Finn," his name leaves her lips like a whimper.

"Take it," he whispers.

She does so, and her hands are shaking so he holds them. The box is small, and he hopes she likes it. The gasp that leaves her lips is enough to tell him that she does.

The moment he'd seen the locket, he knew that it was what he wanted to get her. It's just a small token, but he hopes it brightens her day even a little. It's a locket, in the shape of a star - a lot like the tiny star necklace he had gifted her in high school. But this one is bigger, and inside it boasts the only family photo they have of the three of them. It's engraved with her first initial on the front, and his and Zinnia's on the back.

"Finn," her voice is back to trembling again and he has to chuckle. Because this time he knows it's a good tremble, the tremble that tells him she appreciates what he's done, what he's given her, what he does for her on a daily basis. She doesn't say anything, instead she clasps the box the locket is in and wraps her arms around his neck, breaking the position they had been in for what seems like hours.

"Whenever you get upset, or...feel like you're not doing enough or good enough or...whatever upsets you during the day and we're not around? Just look at this. Because this," he picks up the hand that's holding the box and brings it up so they can both look inside at the picture. "This is what matters the most."

The tears start again just as Zinnia starts to whimper from the monitor.

"Why are you so perfect?" she whispers as she lets him go.

He shrugs a little and brushes the back of his head so his hair fluffs up a little.

"I'll go get the princess," he chuckles. "Why don't you go find the cheesecake in the fridge?"

She smiles happily. "This is why I love you the most."

He chuckles and turns around because he had been starting to leave the room. "Is that why? I thought it was my stunning good looks and boob puns?" he chuckled as she throws a napkin at him.

"I wouldn't know about the boob puns, " she laughs. "Haven't heard one of those in awhile..." Zinnia makes a disgruntled noise over the monitor and her soft whimpers start to work into full blown cries. "Go get our daughter!" she laughs. "Or I'm not saving you any cheesecake..." 

* * *

There you go. It's done. Hope you like it! Happy Belated Valentine's Day!


End file.
